The Devil’s Pulling Strings

Is that beat a second hand, time eating off my years?

Or is the tick a pounding heart, sounding chimes of fears?

The devils pulling strings, composing purgatories rings

Notes devote their melodies to the hellish tings

Drumming beats, bark defeats, to a ruminating mind

Hellish tunes hark repeats on this vinyl scratched with time

Tick Tock! The clock is ticking, sanity at 1

Onto to two, we take pills due, stability my drum

Tick tock to three, could it be, Satan’s keeping time?

Yet, Increments of pills prevent lucidities decline

But, on the hour, this clock tower’s sounding not so sound

Tick tock! Is this clock slowing, from its merry round?

Circles so elliptical, with a clock tower that’s in use

Yet, objects once cylindrical, begin to sing obtuse

These cylinders, so whimsical in their kaleidoscopic daze

Clozapine and Lithium only alter the mental craze

Riddle rattle, as I battle, meds puppeteer my act

Surely side effects are worse, than the symptoms I’d contract

Hmmmm, let it be, just wait and see, what I feel as pure?

Paranoia I can take, but hell! Meds I can’t endure

The last pill is spiraling, down the kitchen sink

Testing waters, sane the game, is insanity on the brink?

Tick tock! The clock is ticking, sanity at 1

Onto to two, we missed pills due, stability undone

Tick tock to three, could it be, Satan’s keeping time?

Increments of strokes predict lucidities decline

On the hour this clock tower’s sounding not so sound

Tick tock! This clock is halting, from its merry round

The judging eyes wander, as expressions scream revulsion

In that moment, I can’t fight the urge, to act on my compulsion

“Ohhh, don’t you mind, it’s not your mind, that see’s what isn’t there”

Woopsy daisy! Sorry lady, you’ve got something in your hair

Don’t be wary, it’s just a fairy, I’ll place my pet back in its pouch

Oh contrary, there’s something scary, sitting on the couch

“Pardon Sir, please refer, to what’s brooding over there

Do you spy a guy adorned, in chiseled horned red hair?”

“A man, a monster, poised, as if checking time in hell?”

Tick tock! I halt in shock, as the devil rings his bell

O but sir, do you conquer, as my sight might not be right

I must implore, tell me more, is the devil on a plight?

“Sorry miss… a… arrrrr red cushion is all I see”

Minds the fine in medications non-compliance fee

Casually the couch bound being, makes a rasping blare

My fairy safely in its pouch, but me I’m standing bare

“Come hither or I take your fairy and slice its rasping throat”

“Come hither for tonight you’ll write a suicidal note”

Tick tock! The clock is ticking, insanity at 1

Onto to two, we need pills due, lunacy has won

Tick tock to three, could it be, I am out of time

Increment of strokes confirm lucidities not mine

With every hour, time devours, I’m sounding not so sound

Tick tock, fuck of clock, from your merry round

The devils rasping words remembered “fairy or a vein”

The pills missed at two confirm a mind insane.

My pouch takes a stare…

By 11 a letter’s written. Midnights alarm. Bereavements blare


This poem has a video counterpart. Followers are always appreciated. Likes are consistently humbling. Comments are continually expanding my mind! Please engage with me to help fight inequity and inequality!
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17 thoughts on “The Devil’s Pulling Strings

  1. Pingback: Schizophrenia. We see it! We hear it! We avoid it. Let’s confront it! | Mind to Unbind

  2. Oh my God, I am stunned by this poem…. I am at work, crying at my desk…. I have a daughter with mental illness and this so describes how she feels, at least what she has told me. It has been so hard for me, as a mother, to watch this dark cloud of metal illness steal life’s joys and opportunities from my child and watching the way people in general respond to her has been mind altering for me. Such ignorance is mind numbing. Thank you for bringing this to the attention of others, this piece says it all and is so hauntingly and frighteningly real.
    much light and love to you

    Michelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michelle,
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reflect on this. I am sorry to hear about your daughter, however it sounds like she has a great mother to help her through this. The feeling of stigmatism strips self confidence. If the world is turning its back on individuals in their time of need, the mind and heart becomes that much more broken. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
      Her light will shine brighter each day if she knows the people around her are there for her, whatever mind turns up in the morning.

      I hope her fight gets easier, the darkness shorter, and she can begin to rediscover the beauty within her world.

      Renae

      Like

  3. I want to reblog this but I don’t know how!! I know, I’m new at all this blogging stuff!! plus i’m old so it seems to make it harder to figure this stuff out!! thanks 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi Michelle,

      There is a reblog button at the bottom of each blog.If you press this, you will have shared the blog. If you have any other media pages such as Facebook you can just copy the link and share it as a status.
      Thank you.

      Renae

      Like

  4. Reblogged this on Br Andrew's Muses and commented:
    Tick tock – I really enjoyed reading this and chased a merry-go-round in finding it – I accidentally missed taking my Pristiq last night and had hallucinogenic dreams. I ‘enjoy’ Bipolar Affective disorder with Epilepsy and the Pristiq is supposed to be the upper that lowers the Rivotril to some sort of ‘normal’ – my Epilepsy killed of my neurotransmitters and so I spend most of my time depressed. The sea-saw doesn’t quite work anymore so that is why the dreams were hallucinogenic -previously I would just have had a sleepless night.

    Like

    1. Wow, your story is a mighty one. Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me know your cocktail of “normal.” I am in awe at your ability to bounce back and use words as the foundation for your reality. I hope you continue to find the strength to live your battle and I wish you the best in living each moment to its fullest. I am excited to take a look at your blog. Thank you for sharing my piece. I hope you find a perfect dose of life!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello have reblogged this because I missed my Pristiq last night and had the weirdest hallucinogenic dreams – and it seemed appropriate.

    I enjoy B.P.A.D courtesy of my Epilepsy and made a mistake putting up my pills Monday night – I am now following your blog from Maroubra Australia

    Like

    1. Thank you for sharing, thank you for the follow and thank you for inspiring me with your strength. I am from Mid North Coast, Australia but am currently living in New York! I hope you keep reading my posts and keep writing your world!

      Like

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